Mood

I have to admit that today wasn't the best day of my life; it started good but all of a sudden I started to think about my ex and everything started to suck. Besides I dropped a whole pizza on the floor and had to buy another one. After thinking about my ex for a while, while listening to affection from cigarettes after sex (because when you're sad you have to play a song that makes you more sad and that one remind me of my ex), listening to a whole other bunch of songs that are pretty sad and while laying in bed I thought reality sucks!. We make our own reality, but people like me see and hear things that don't exist, and, at the same time, think with paranoia and psychosis, so when I see my reality, I wonder if it's worth living. Time felt really slow while I lay almost lifeless on the bed thinking and thinking like a doll without moving even a little then I looked at the time and in reality it has passed a whole hour, it was pretty sad to think that I feel this way and that the memories hurt so bad. And I kept thinking is it worth living? Taking pills, being sick and having headaches while having to deal with a divorce at the same time? Who will save me from this? Once in a while I need a hug and someone to be with me for a whole while, while they say "it's all right, you will overcome this and the clouds on the sky will disappear" I need a man to take care of me, what's the point on being "pretty" if you have no one to be there and tell you?. Anyway, I'm thinking seriously about suicide but I hope I don't make a stupid move, I have to keep fighting...
Selene Luna 🌙